How important it is to leave a good mark in life, my grandfather said so, 40 years ago at the age of 85, my grandfather left this earth, but I never stop talking about him and boasting about him.
Today I am over 50 years old, but I remember all the wise words of my grandfather Kabylbaev Kazemebek, who raised me, I want to share them and tell some moments of my life.
There is a good side to the tradition of our people, and there is another that is not talked about.
There is a good side to the tradition of our people, and there is another that is not talked about.
One of the traditions is to give older children to parents, but to this day I have not found an explanation for it, perhaps this is reverence for parents, but they have already raised their children and deserve rest for their old age, as they say: “children are for the joy of parents, and the elderly for fun ”, which means that old people should simply give love when they meet and enjoy the presence of their grandchildren and granddaughters.
I was born in the family as the fourth child, at 9 months I was given to my grandparents for upbringing, in childhood I was offended by my parents that they gave me away as an unnecessary child, but after many years I understand how much my grandfather taught me from my mother’s side, who replaced my mother and dad, many years have passed, but to this day I talk about him.
I grew up and studied in the village of Dzhalagash of the Kyzylorda region at the Russian school number 31, all my childhood I was an ambassador of sheep and cows, my grandmother taught me how to milk cows and make ayran, butter, and my grandfather made a precious contribution and prophesied about a better life for me.
Once, in the 3rd grade, my grandfather put me on my neck and said: “Look over there Moscow, and you will study there and live in the best city of Kazakhstan,” and I didn’t see anything besides the cowshed, but I always agreed with my grandfather, said yes I see and dreamed of Moscow, looked at the pictures – the red square. Lenin’s mausoleum in books, according to the prophecy of my grandfather after the 8th grade, two years after the death of my grandfather, I went to study in Moscow and lived there for 10 years.
Doing household chores, twice a month I skipped school: one day was on duty – to graze cows, and the other day – to graze sheep, but this did not prevent me from studying well at school, and at the same time, the old people did not spoil me, raised me in severity and hidden love that I felt in their relationship to me.
My grandfather taught me how to shear rams and goats in the spring, after winter they seemed to take off their fur coats and enjoyed the spring wind and I liked washing and shearing them, looking at the sheep I was glad of their lightness that I had removed their heavy wool, despite their calluses on my hands , also my grandfather and I were fishing in the ditch with our hands and it was great.
The old men taught me responsibility, decency, dedication, my grandmother taught me punctuality, how to cook bread on the street on coal, I am very grateful for their upbringing, but deep in my heart I missed my mom and dad, I wanted to keep secrets with my sisters, play with them, after me through 5 years old a little sister was born, and after 2 years the only brother, I wanted to take care of them., I did not have toys in my childhood and beautiful clothes, because my grandparents only had a pension and they could not always afford to pamper me, and my parents were busy with their children.
Perhaps readers will condemn me, but I do not recommend sending children to another family, even if it is hungry and cold, but the child should grow up in a family and be close to the parents, observing traditions or it is inconvenient to refuse parents, we deprive the child of the love and attention of the parents, unity with the rest sisters and brothers in the family, because we grow up different in character and to this day it is difficult for us to communicate, there is this separation in relation to the sisters: I was brought up in the wisdom and severity of my grandfather, and my sister grew up in the attention and support of parents, a child in a full-fledged family he is always confident in himself and with high self-esteem, even if not a prosperous family, but in completeness.
Of course, there are well-bred families, but very few and this largely depends on the mother.
Today I am over 50 years old, but sow a day inside me, a little girl expects love, a hug and an affectionate word from her mother.
A woman, a mother, is the keeper of the hearth, the one who unites children, teaches unity, reverence for parents and respect for elders, consult and help each other, rejoice in the successes of relatives, value kindred spirits more than friends or a neighbor, only in advice and unity will enterprises and families.
Unfortunately, all this was absent in our family, I understand that you sow and reap, parents grew up without love and attention, then they invested in us, but the choice is ours – to change and become better. You can talk about a lot, but I want to share what I grew up on and I hope this will help the younger youth.
From childhood, my grandfather and I got up at 6 in the morning and drank tea, and every day, for 365 days, he did not stop repeating many things that were automatically recorded in my memory, I could say: “Oh, k ,ke, I already heard that” – but he said so that you never get tired of listening to some things over and over again, I did not understand a lot, but these words were recorded in my brain and at the right time they came up in my memory, and I said, oh, that’s what my grandfather told me, that’s the meaning and the meaning of these words, thank God, it was me – the fourth child who turned out to be with my grandfather, therefore I want to share what helped me to survive in this life, to rise and overcome difficulties.
I also know that there is no chance in life – meetings, acquaintances, information, as a child I dreamed of becoming a journalist, at school I wrote articles for the newspaper “Friendly guys”, I passed the journalism department at Moscow State University, but I did not pass the English language years I heard about this competition in the news and renewed my ability, which the Almighty once put into me and gave me the desire to share the wisdom of my grandfather.
- “Never say no – joқ degen sayin, joқtyk keledi – bar degen sayin, barshylyk boldi” and I lived and live today, that I have everything and in fact, the Almighty gives heart, seeing your desire to work, gives ideas, directions … As a student, I studied in Moscow on an increased scholarship, there was a desire to engage in paid scientific work in my free time, and in the evenings I washed the floors in the dormitory, that’s how much opportunity God put into my heart and, accordingly, I always had finances.
- “Artyna eshgashan karama tek kana alka – Whatever happens – don’t look back” stumbled, made a mistake, betrayed, fell – get up, dust yourself off, go further, then you will reach the goal. We all dream about something and set goals, sometimes we hope for friends, relatives, but more often heart wounds are delivered by loved ones and disappointment comes, hands drop and you can fall low – it hurts, we always look for an excuse for ourselves, guilty and in this state you you will never reach your goal.
For example: when my husband left with a child at the age of 2.5 years, I stayed on the street, my grandfather died, my uncle’s wife became the hostess in my grandfather’s house, I could not go to my parents – to listen to reproaches, and even more so I never lived with them, I was completely disappointed from the betrayal of her husband, from the rejection of relatives, I came to my friend to live with the child, almost a week after work we drank at dinner, once, in longing for my grandfather, I remembered what he said: you won’t achieve your goal if you don’t make a decision yourself until you will look for the guilty and delve into yesterday, you will not rise, it was as if I was doused with boiling water, I immediately pulled myself together, let go of this situation, quit my job, collected the child and left for the first time in Almaty in 1995 to a new city and my new one began not an easy stage in life – to earn an apartment, to provide for the future of my child, and today I can proudly say that we have succeeded and fulfilled that best grandfather said in my life – I live in the best city of Kazakhstan – Almaty.
When you look back, self-pity comes, guilt, self-pity, and this all prevents you from getting up and seeing the best in the future – this was what grandfather meant
- “Let the enemy come in and feed them – because the enemy should be ashamed, whom you accept with dignity.”
As a child, I remember neighbors who quarreled with my grandmother, and I didn’t want to let them in, but my grandfather said: “tas pen ғrandy – as pen »r”, no matter what traitor comes to your home – accept it with dignity, because God Himself may come in the dress of your enemy, a wise person will understand and ask for forgiveness, there is also a type of people who, out of pride, cannot ask for forgiveness, but by their arrival admit that they are wrong, here is our responsibility for our territory of the heart. There was a lot of situations in my life when people left my house and slammed the door, but then they returned and I accepted them with dignity, without reproaching or remembering the past, but at the same time I understood that the old friendship and trust would not exist.
- “Never do bad things to the people at whom you were at home and sat at the dastarkhan, so as not to happen” hospitality is the value of our people, everyone who came from the regions more often stayed with me in Almaty, regular acquaintances who lived with me met my friend, apparently they exchanged phone numbers and started mediation services.
Once I was invited to the prosecutor’s office and accused of embezzling money, when I started to figure it out, it turned out that my friend took money from these acquaintances, they, in turn, could not get through to my friend, they decided to write a statement against me to the prosecutor’s office, I figured it out for a long time, hired a lawyer, although I could give the address and phone number of my friend and calm down, I didn’t dare to do that, because I was at her house, sitting at the same dastarkhan with her elderly parents, the people who greeted me like my own, how could I act meanly, God gives me pleasure, this whole situation, how incomprehensibly began and ended, it was surprising that these acquaintances and my girlfriend were 10 years older than me, each read namaz, life is a test.
- “Madayna zhazandy kuresin, birak zhuregidi saeta” – Most of all, keep your heart, do not be hardened, despite the difficulties of life, because you have to go through what is written in the family, and I asked what I wrote, but the grandfather was silent …
Indeed, despite this situation with my friend and my guests, half a year of trial, nerves and tears, I was not angry with people. A year later, a friend appeared at the door of my door, I let her in, gave her tea and told what happened, it turns out she changed the phone number so that these women would not bother, of course not pleasant, but forgiven. Sometimes, on the way to the goal, you can be left alone and this is not scary, because only proven and reliable people remain nearby, and if you are alone, then you are on the right path.
- “Give aldyңa ukeledi – don’t dare to offend the guest in your house”, even if you are right, keep silent, because he is a guest in your house., The guest may be offended and leave, but then he will return. There were situations when relatives were offended and left without explaining themselves, therefore it is important to be able to talk, sit down at the negotiating table – over a cup of tea to clarify what is not clear, what does not suit, or did not accept the words spoken by someone, it is better to discuss and ask what he had in view of, I always say, if a person is offended, then this is the reason rather in the person himself, why he reacts and accepts the given situation in this way, it means that the reason is in him, and until he himself understands and does not want to find out, there is no need to explain.
- “Taking offense at a person, you block the blessing from above on your life,” the grandfather said, the tongue will not fall off and the fur coat will not be removed from you if you go and ask for forgiveness, even if you are right, seeing the wrongness of another, you take the first step – day kteredi seni zhaylaidy, because you are responsible for your heart condition, and God resists the proud. These words of my grandfather were so ingrained in my mind that I easily went to reconciliation, to ask for forgiveness, because I understand that it is not always convenient for a person to admit his guilt – pride does not allow taking the first step, therefore families and relationships often collapse and we lose friends.
- “Kyinshylyқta bauyryk zhanyңda bolmasa – zhaқsylyқta kaytesin” for many years I did not understand the meaning of this expression – if there are no relatives and friends around in difficulties, why are they in joy, because there is always someone to share joy with – and this is the truth.
Several years ago I had a terrible accident, it seemed impossible to survive in this situation, but the Creator held my hand and did not let me go, a difficult operation, six months of rehabilitation, at such moments of life you are deep in your soul waiting for your family and friends, thank God your brother was there during the operation, and then half a year of recovery, a year later another operation, my friends and neighbors were courting, they told me – where are your 3 sisters, and if each came for a week there would be a quick recovery, just from the thought that the sisters need you – relatives, but they were not there, physical wounds are healed, and a mental wound heals for a long time, sometimes it does not heal.
- Kөp turғannan sұrama, kөp kөrgennen sұra – ask for wisdom not from the one who has lived a lot, but from the one who has seen a lot, sometimes old people live 70-80 years old, he did not go beyond his city, but there are people who have lived at 40 and have seen so much, what the 80-year old man did not survive and who will give you the right advice, but often our parents lack wisdom, they reproach their children with their age and the fact that they gave birth and were educated, there is another parable:
“Let strangers’ lips praise you, and not your tongue”
“Parents must be respected, but respect must be earned”, if a parent does not love children constantly humiliates and reproaches, as a child will respect and love his parents.
- How important it is to earn respect and preserve – sometimes with one wrong behavior or word you can cross out everything you have achieved, so never rush to answer and learn to listen to your interlocutor. If you want to know a person – give him power and money, then what is inside him will be revealed, so you will determine a reliable friend, said the grandfather.
- Everything that you say to yourself and do in this life will come into your life,
my grandfather explained to me on potatoes, when they planted potatoes with him, he makes the hole a whaleman, and I threw a quarter of the potatoes, when in the fall they collected a bucket of potatoes from one bush, grandfather explained, they collected a bucket from a quarter of the potatoes, and in life you will sow one evil – a bucket of evil will return, sow good – a bucket of good will come into your life, also with finances.
- “Kolyңdaғy bar zatқa riza bolsaң, Қudai saғan kөbeiedi” – When you are satisfied with a little, God will give more – this is a human factor, we want a lot at once, but until we learn to manage the small and be grateful God will not give us more.
In my life, I went to great blessing for a long time, worked in the daytime at my main job, at 6 in the morning, together with my son, they delivered newspapers to the mailboxes in a certain area for us, and in the evening they washed the floors in the store and enjoyed the little money they earned, distributed money correctly and imperceptibly for we received a promotion and an increase in salary at work, today looking back my heart is full of gratitude to such a grandfather in my life.
- The most important wisdom or parable that I heard from my grandfather; “Bala wasps өmirdin Kyinshylykynna shyryldap keledi, al ketkende үndemey demalua ketedi” – a child is born into this difficult and sinful world crying, and leaves silently with joy to rest.
Indeed, how many difficulties and tears awaits a child in this world, and how important it is to survive, withstand and win, what will we teach the children, what we will pass on to them and who will be next to the children in difficult moments of life and what decision a person will make in a given situation – ours a responsibility.
Here are some of the wisdom that helped me in my development, what my grandfather sowed into my life, and I into the life of my son, I hope he will pass on to his next generation.
Children are a blessing from the Almighty, and parents are responsible for raising each child, giving a child to another family, we reject him from the family, and a rejected soul she is very vulnerable, vulnerable, angry and rude children often grow up, which affects relationships with loved ones, with friends and subsequently their children.
I had low self-esteem, I was insecure, because there was always a question inside that little girl – why they gave me away, it means that my parents don’t need me, they don’t like me and this prevented me from being confident in myself, and the fear comes that you no one to protect.
The coin has two sides: one side – we see the bad, negative and destroyed, the other side of the coin – to see the good in this situation.
Today I thank the Almighty for my precious grandfather, that such a wise grandfather was in my life, for his upbringing, patience, knowledge and wisdom, which helped me to rise and achieve what is now in my life, keep my good heart, forgive people who hurt me and not repeat the mistakes of my parents.
And how important it is to be rich not only financially, but also spiritually, so that people come to you for advice. Even if there are no people near you who can inspire you and lift your spirit, learn to do it yourself. Although the beginning of my life was unfavorable, a lot of unfair things happened, but the beginning is not important, the FINAL is important.
In our time, there is not enough wisdom, knowledge and teaching for the young generation, many people are stingy with kind words, if the testimony of my life is used in manuscripts, I will be grateful that I made a small contribution to the prosperity of the new generation of Kazakhstan.
Author: Zhanna Naymanbaeva